Why do you run?
I think this has been a question that I've been asking everyone since my Infinity Milers heydays. I think for the record, I have to say that it was Jimmy who seeded people's minds with this question, not me. I remember that it was our 3rd Infinity Milers training back in September 2007, barely a month after enrolling into the International Medical University (IMU), when we were divided into groups of 8 for our evening run. I wasn't under Jimmy for that training session, but his words remain close to my heart. Apparently, after training Jimmy took his juniors to a quiet corner of Taman Komanwel for a small debriefing session, in which he began asking his juniors individually on why they ran.
I can still remember the most memorable answer, which came from Jian Ming who said: "I run to change myself". And truth be told, I still respect him till this day for his reply.
So why do I run?
To be honest, for the better half of my 21 years of life, I was never a runner. I was never meant to run. As a kid, I was over-protected by my parents, kept indoors most of the time with fishing being my only true outdoor activity. I loved it so much that I could hardly wait for weekends, where my dad would take me out. And thus, my love for the outdoors and Nature grew.
However by 5, my parents noticed that I was clumsily tripping over my own feet whenever I ran. A check with a podiatrist confirmed that I was bowl-legged. I had to wear a set of leg brace whenever I sleep at night to correct the growth of my legs as I grew. I found it difficult to walk properly as my toes were perpetually pointing inwards. In fact, they still are as we speak, more so whenever my foot kicks off the ground with every step.
Look at my left foot. Urgh! To make matters more complicated, I am also flat-footed. The arch on my foot is nearly non-existent and I used to get chronic foot pains whenever I run back in high school. I was running with this pain until just middle of last year, when I started using orthotics and proper Full Motion Support shoes to support my arch.
At the same time, my parents noticed that I develop breathing difficulties easily whenever I’m running around at the playground. Subsequent check ups at the Kuala Lumpur General Hospital soon confirmed that I was mildly asthmatic and I had to use an inhaler in kindergarten and for the first year of my primary school life. This also meant more protection and fewer activities. Thank goodness, my asthma did not progress any further.
I can still vividly remember during one of my first visits to Kuala Lumpur General Hospital, where I was waiting for my mother who was working there. She was punching out after her full day shift together with other nurses when two fairly senior nurses approached me.
One said, "Eh, how come this boy is soooooo fat?"
The other replied, "No lah, he's not fat. He just has WORMS in his stomach!"
Ouch.
And yes, hate to say it but I was overweight during my childhood days, all the way till lower secondary. "You're not fat, you just have big bones", that was what my mom used to say. I had difficulties finding clothes for my size and in school; I could hardly excel in many sports. I loved football but hated the exertion. I joined Taekwondo to help get me in shape, but with little effect.
(So don't blame me if I keep on insisting on losing weight. Lol)
You see, you can have a million and one factors going against you but all you need is only one to keep you going. When you are truly passionate about what you do, nothing can stop you. It's the same we can say about life, right?
I first took up running seriously once I enrolled into the IMU in late 2007. Or rather, once I joined Infinity Milers. Jimmy, who was the then President, was a true inspiration. He taught me how to run and more importantly, he taught me why to run. From those who know me well, you know how much I like to relate with you about stories of life, on how running is so much similar to life in general and on selflessness, the ability to put aside one’s needs for the sake of others. I learnt all this from Jimmy and he set a real benchmark for us when he eventually stepped down from the club. In fact, I still do approach him for advice and opinions, whenever in doubt because of his sheer wealth of knowledge and experience.
As an individual, I have so much respect for Jimmy that I don’t think I can run against him, in let’s say IMUCUP. It’s unthinkable; to compete with an athlete of his level and to go against your ‘teacher’. And that is why I have decided to run with him for the Standard Chartered Kuala Lumpur Marathon. I felt the need to return to my grassroots, and to run 42.195km, something which I thought was sheer impossible when I first started running, with the person who has taught and inspired me so much.
Lately though, I feel that he’s been under a lot of pressure. It’s not easy dealing with family responsibilities, MAPCU and volleyball training, his research and his boyfriend duties, while juggling the prospect of running an entire Full Marathon come June 28th. His commitment to his responsibilities has further strengthened my resolve to run the race, and to run the race well.
Do I have any idols when it comes to running? No, I don’t. But I do have role models and they are Jimmy and Roderick. As much as Roderick drives you up the wall at times, you gotta love his enthusiasm, intensity and mental discipline when it comes to running and mountain climbing. If there’s one person who’ll go to the ends of the world to achieve something, no matter how impossible it sounds, that person would be Roderick. With one exception, so long he sees the purpose in it. He was the first person to seed the idea of running a Full Marathon into me back in February 2009 and we’ve never looked back ever since. It’s refreshing to have someone who is as passionate as you are when it comes to running and climbing as a best friend and also as a fierce competitor. For the better part of my time in IMU, I see Roderick as the standard I should achieve, if not better. Always have and always will be.
Kung Fu Cantum Badan!------
I run for many reasons, and with time I find that no two reasons are the same.
Last year’s Relay For Life organized by the National Cancer Society of Malaysia on May 31st 2008 was probably my biggest breakthrough. I find it necessary for emotions to be part of running, and it was certainly present that day. It doesn’t help…when a close family member and one of your closest college friends were both stricken with cancer. I made a pledge with my fellow university mates that at all times, at least one of us would be running on the track. On a more personal note, I wanted to do it for them. And for the next 16 hours it happened, the 10 of us taking turns running around the racing track with a baton which we pass on to the next runner whenever we got tired. We did the same at this year’s Relay For Life without me running, and I hope that this can be an IMU tradition in subsequent years.
I run to discipline myself, mentally and physically. The human body is weak, but the mind – even weaker. I enjoy most of my runs but not runs or training sessions when I have to pace a faster runner. But I find the exertion and competition necessary. That is because most of the time, we run within our capabilities and that is why we don’t excel. As I run more often and at more competitive speeds, I find it easier to discipline the body when the mind is up for it. Same when it comes to concentrating on your studies, upholding a promise or climbing a mountain with endless uphills – your mind calls the shots, not your body. But before the body can answer unconditionally to the mind, discipline of the mind needs to be built and that is why I run.
On hindsight, I would say that I ran to live up to the expectations that others have on me. It’s something that I absolutely dislike but was necessary considering the circumstances. To be more specific, I’m talking about my Infinity Milers days. To be honest, I was intimidated by the prospect of taking over the club from Jimmy. I only started serious running when I joined the club and to take over the reins of the club really stacked a lot of pressure on me. Or rather, I pressurized myself. As president, the need to lead by example is important and that means becoming a better runner without losing the spirit of Infinity Milers within me. I was often embarrassed when faster runners turn up for training and I end up trailing them. If the leader is incapable of setting an example to the rest, the integrity of the club and everything we preach will be under fire. However, with timely advice given by Jimmy and Roderick, I began to accept myself for who I am. I started believing that the only expectations that I had to live up to were the expectations that were set by my committee and me. And with that, running became enjoyable once again. Looking back at things, I can’t stress any more the importance of loving what you’re doing and to do them without any form of outside pressure to perform.
On a more serious note, I run (and climb) to find peace within. Be it whether memories of my past arise or present matters trouble me, I run. My past is something I’m not too proud of and often enough, I find it catching up with me. I run not to escape from it or to deny what has happened but to recollect my thoughts and to put things into perspective once again. I normally don’t enjoy these kind of runs – they’re long, quiet and I often do it alone. However, it offers me the peace of mind to come up with a solution to my troubles.
Not always, but often enough.
Sometime, the only thing you need is Hope.Preparing for the marathon has been tedious, with months of training and countless hours of running. This is where motivation is necessary. All great runners, from Haile Gebrselassie to Sebastian Coe, share a common trait – they are all highly motivated. What distinguishes them from lesser runners like yours truly is that they are highly motivated to win. Winning isn’t something I think of at all. In fact, I nearly lost my love for running in July 2008, in preparation for the MAPCU Road Relay and Track and Field events because winning was so important. Too important for it’s own good, that I was so disillusioned on why I ran. It was all or nothing – if you didn’t win your event, everything else is meaningless.
But safe to say, my motivation for the marathon was clear and has been clear ever since I signed up with Jimmy. I wanted to Run For A Cause. You see, I could spare the hassles of raising funds, setting up this blog and managing the Facebook group for the past 3 months or so by just paying the RM50 participation fees to run in the Full Marathon event. However, I knew that to get through the entire 42.195km, I can never run the race for myself. I had to run it for a purpose higher than myself. You can never be selfish when you run. And that is why I decided to run on behalf of SHELTER Home For Children.
Before every extended run, I will always spare some time for myself, to remind myself why I’m running today. I think of the children at SHELTER, even more vividly ever since I visited SHELTER 1. People always tell me that I’m heaping up too much pressure on myself, especially during the 3 weeks which I was out injured, but how can you not feel so when pulling out or not performing at your best means disappointing the children at SHELTER? Maybe it’s wrong or selfish for me to feel that the entire SHELTER is banking on me to complete the race, in which failure to do so would mean failure for them as well but this is what keeps me going and it sure will not change.
My other motivation? It has been the real driving force behind my endeavors and I keep it very closely to my heart, something so secret that no one knows about it. I intend to keep it that way till the time is right.
So yes, that is my story. And I believe everyone out there have a story of their own. And because of this, you are special. If there is something you truly love, anything and everything is possible. Pour your heart and soul into it and you will never be disappointed with what you can achieve. When the odds are against you, don’t back off. Just rise to the occasion.
With that all said and done, let me truly ask you now – Why Do You Run?
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